While I suppose I am far from calling my experience “rape,” I also don’t always call myself “trans,” and that’s more about language appropriation than an experience differential.
Yeah I was unattractive. Yeah I was unwashed. Yeah you knew I wasn’t going to say “no” because I was leaving the next day and this was going to be my “big bang,” right? Consent sober doesn’t equate to acceptable blackout sex with a stranger who sticks it in your ass like you begged for it so that you can’t walk the next day.
I have begun thinking about this since I have decided I want to have a sex with a cis-gendered man while sober. I am terrified that I won’t be able to and that I’m going to freak the fuck out, but I don’t know if it’s okay to keep hiding from this thing which is obviously an important piece of my sexual identity.